Finding your roller derby name is like an exercise in creative futility. Just when you think you have one that is appropriate, humorous and unique, one look at http://www.twoevils.org/rollergirls/ will quickly school you of just how unexceptional your creativity is.

I trolled through that list, looking for inspiration and every time I thought I had something… I looked and someone else already had it, or it was too close to another girls name. Damn it!

So I set to the task of asking my friends for help, all of them are creative types, artists, writers, illustrators, ad and marketing peeps… you’d think they would just be flowing with ideas. At first, no, but soon the names started streaming in. They used famous names and contorted them into something more brutal, they played with phrases and soon I had a list of over 100 names. After checking them against the database I was left with a small handful of decent names. The one’s that really struck me as funny and appropriate were all taken.

I ended up going with my first attempt at a name, my daughter loved it when I first said it. It’s something she can pronounce, and is still intimidating enough. (I’m not listing it here, since it takes 2 months for your name to be accepted and registered.) So my work is done, it just feels strange to have this other name to go by. But it feels so good, to know I stuck with it, and have progressed to this point… I almost feel official!

So, I thought I’d share the names I didn’t go with to help a sista out. Maybe they will inspire you or in the very least, make you giggle a little. Thanks to everyone that helped out, I love you bitches!

Stone Cold Jane Austin

Scary Tyler More

Bruisin’ Sarandon

Samantha Peck-n-Claw

Madame Melee

Jenifer Killy

Michelle O’Bomber

Maim-U Van Doren

Betty Badblood

Shanks a Million

Kim Ka-Smashin’em

Cindy Claw Ford

Diane Lane Change

Elizabeth Hurling

Betty Grapple

Kim Cartel

Lisa Cujo

Nancy Ragin’

Nicole Hitman

Patty Duke It Out

Penelope Cruzin’ For A Bruisin’

Some of the more humorous/ridiculous names were contributed by Jason Malmberg, Max Riffner and Marv Pratt.

Max  suggested:
Meatwalls McBustin
Ms. Murderboobs

Jason suggested:
Cincinatti Cuntsmash LaRue
Betty Twistoffyourclitandfeedittoabeagle

Marv suggested:
Diane von FISTenburg
Sue Ellen Screwing
Susie Q. Stinkfist